Climbing Mountains
by Star1086
Summary: Sequel to "Burning Rivers." What happens after the worse is over? It's a long, hard road ahead for Jim and Pam- can they make the climb together?
1. Steps

A/N- This is the sequel story to "Burning Rivers", picking up where the original story left off. I just had to see what happens to Jim and Pam after the accident. This wont be typical JAM fluff- there's always got to be some drama. Enjoy.

-S.

Oh, and I don't own The Office either, dar.

* * *

"1..2...3...4..."

Pam felt sweat bead on her forehead.

"1...2...3...4..."

Her arms began to shake.

"C'mon Pam, keep it going. 1...2..."

Pam tuned out the voice, concentrating intently. She was propping herself up between two balancing beams, using her arms to support herself. She was waging a war to get her weakened right leg to support her weight. And right now, she found- she was losing.

It had nearly been a month since she and Jim had been in the accident; the trip to New York had started with such happiness- an opportunity of a new beginning- but ended up with them colliding with a frozen tree limb and surviving a terrifying accident.

They had removed the errant piece of Jim's car from the soft tissue of Pam's thigh- making her "very lucky," as the doctors told her. Sometimes she felt lucky- she and Jim had survived, she didn't lose her leg, and she was now almost 8 weeks pregnant with Jim's baby.

That fact made the monotonous and difficult hours of physical therapy almost bearable.

And then she'd have her bad days.

"Just one more set Pam." The new voice startled her.

Pam's unfocused eyes settled on Jim's face, sitting her, looking up at her as she struggled to keep her weight on her right leg. She shook her head slightly, feeling a rage of emotions burn her chest as she focused on the physical therapist at the end of the beams- egging her on. Rick, his name was. She knit her brow together and thought of all the nasty names she'd rather call him. He was too short, not even her height with a dark tan and bleached teeth- he looked more like a beach instructor than a physical therapist.

The bad days where when she didn't want to get out of bed in the morning; when the idea of trying to walk seemed unfeasible- like a distant dream she would never grasp. She would be angry- at Jim, at herself, at fate for forcing her to endure this.

She took another step- limping as she felt her muscles burn and tighten in her thigh. She had started her physical therapy a week after she was released from the hospital; at first she thought the whole idea was ludicrous- she thought she'd be able to run straight from the hospital home. But when she was released she remembered the searing mellow burn, the twisting hum that remained. She was stiff and sore, and Jim ended up carrying her from the taxi to her second level apartment when she couldn't navigate the crutches .

Another step- 1...2...3...4... She thought in her head. But she found that her mind wandered elsewhere when she was doing her stupid walk.

"It's ugly." She had complained when she first removed the bandages that covered the sutures. Her leg was swollen and red; the place where the shrapnel ate into her leg was now a healing scar- held together with stitches that covered a good 4 inches of her thigh. She was forced to light weight sweatpants that she had pulled down around her knees to inspect the damaged on her couch.

Jim had knelt down, softly running a finger over the area; but never touching it. He tilted his head to one side, the bruises on his face and hands had settled into a soft yellow color.

"You know," he started, dragging the finger up her hip to gently tickle the soft skin of her stomach. Pam tried to squirm out of his touch. "I think scars are pretty sexy…" he murmured jokingly, now running his thumb in circles around Pam's naval through her shirt. "We can make up some wicked stories to tell. Tell me, have you ever been assaulted by a beet wielding bear?" He chuckled as she rolled her eyes and gripped his hand to pull him next to her on the couch.

He had wrapped his arms gently around her shoulders to fold her into a hug, smiling into her forehead.

"Jim?"

"Hmm?"

"This is going to suck, isn't it?" She asked very seriously.

"What?" She heard his confused voice without looking at him. "The baby? Yeah, let's hope it dosen't end up with my nose." He joked, trying to lighten the moment.

She decided to drop it then, remembering the little one that was cohabitating in her stomach. She just sighed, and worried about the road ahead.

"Pam, one more set." She heard Sergeant Rick scold her. She was exhausted; she didn't want to do anymore sets. She hating him. Hated him with the passion of a thousand burning suns.

She heaved a sigh- keeping the darkness of her mood at bay as she took another step forward with the hope that she'll reach the too tan Rick and send her right foot flying and kicking him right in the eggs.

'Soon', she thought as she counted down in her head, 1...2...3...4...


	2. Sleepless Nights

The night was the hardest for Jim- sometime between the darkness of midnight and the haze of twilight. That stretch of night he was forced to relive the accident over and over again.

Sometimes he'll be asleep; and he'd have to watch the event play out like a horror movie. Sometimes he's in the car, sometimes outside- watching the two helpless people inside as they spin and toss around the interior of the car. But wherever he is in the dream, it always ends the same; Pam's cold lifeless face staring back at him.

And he always jerks himself awake at this point; sweat drenching his shirt as he quickly turns to make sure she was beside him, sleeping soundly.

Sometimes he'll be awake- daydreaming. Whenever he has an unoccupied moment his mind would drift- mostly to the little one that he help to create that suddenly gave his life meaning. It helped him pass the time, especially at work- when he'd glance at the empty reception desk and find it unoccupied and remember that Pam hadn't returned to work yet. Or when Dwight would oh so tactfully make him relive the trauma of the accident when he'd dissect the reasoning and lecture him on proper driving techniques.

"If you had invested in some decent snow chains, you wouldn't have slid on the road…" He began one day, pulling Jim's meandering mind from future baseball games or playing catch.

All Jim could do was respond with a noncommittal "mm hmm," before feeling his hands shake as Pam's face flashed in front of him. He tried to zone Dwight out, silently damning Michael to an eternity of baldness for letting the story leak to the office.

"And if you had better hand-eye coordination, you could have quickly righted your car before…" Jim couldn't listen anymore- his tongue moving faster than his brain.

"...And if you hadn't gone all Kavorkian on Angela's cat, she wouldn't be wearing someone else's ring." He murmured angrily, setting his eyes on Dwight's reddening figure. He watched as Dwight's gaze shifted toward accounting for a brief moment before settling back on his own computer screen.

That was the last time anyone mentioned the accident in front of Jim. Soon after his comment Jim had excused himself to the bathroom, locking himself in as he sat on the cool tile and buried his face in his trembling hands, willing himself to keep it together.

"This isn't about you anymore." He'd breath into his fingers. "Get a hold of yourself." He willed- knowing there was more than one person depending on him now.

He hadn't wanted it to be this hard, Pam was alive- she'd recovered, they were getting married, and in 7 months he'd be a father. He didn't understand why he was so terrified. It seemed like he had waited so long for this to happen and now that he was facing it he was scared shitless. He had almost killed Pam. Every time he thought of that his stomach would jump into his throat and he'd feel sick. He almost killed the woman he loved more than the world and with that, he almost killed the child he didn't even know he had.

Sometimes during a particulary rough sleepless night, (which he had many since the accident), he'd toil that idea over and over again in his head. Would he have ever known that she was pregnant if she had died? Would he be able to live with the fact if he had lost her and the only thing that would attach him to her forever? He couldn't bear to even imagine it.

But he would never ever tell Pam any of this; the feelings, the anxiety- non of it. He instead decided to be there for every step of her recovery, being the rock for her to lean on. It was a way for him to make things right, he thought.

So three times a week, he would pick Pam up in her little blue Yaris- driving her and their baby pea to her physical therapy, sitting through and watching her in case she slipped or stumbled- determined to make sure nothing would ever happen to her again. This was the only way he could make each day bearable until the dreams stopped and he could finally rest.


	3. Nightmares

Thanks for all the feedback so far! I know I'm taking a very unfluffy direction in the story- but I wanted to take a more realistic approach to how they each deal with the accident. On with the drama!

* * *

"Pam?"

It was his voice; he recognized it- though it seemed distant and panicked.

There was darkness- terrifying blackness that engulfed his whole body- leaving his disoriented and dizzy. He stretched his arms out, desperate to find something in his surroundings that would tell him where he was.

Finally to his right he felt his fingers touch something soft and squishy- he pushed his fingers into the warm material- they were engulfed in wetness as he pushed them further trying to figure out what it was.

Suddenly a thought appeared to him. He reached with his left hand above him to find a something he knew was a light switch- now filling the space in a soft light. He followed his arm to his fingers, his surroundings slowly coming into focus.

His saw Pam, and he realized they were in the car, her face turned away from him. His fingers were gorged into her chest, penetrating her jacket, and creating a deep hole in her above her belly. In horror, he quickly retracted his hand, the force of his withdrawal caused the blood and gore from her chest to splash back at him, spattering his face.

Jim felt his stomach lurch but nothing left his mouth- a gasp was all he could manage. Slowly he watched Pam's face shift and her head roll limply towards him. He suddenly found his voice- a loud gargled scream as he stared at her vacant eyes, cold and dead and covered in blood. He kept screaming.

"Hey, Jim wake up." He felt himself being ripped from the image, his eyes jumping open as he sat straight up, shaking. He felt a cool hand on his forearm, keeping him from flaying into the darkness. He looked down and found Pam, her eyes wide and fearful- obviously unsure if he was awake or not. He pulled his arm away from her to quickly hide his face in his hand, wiping his fingers furiously across his eyes, trying to hide the evidence of the dream.

He felt Pam shift on the bed as she sat up to rest beside him, placing a hand timidly on his leg. He looked down to see he must have kicked all the covers off himself. He felt his heart racing in his chest- and prayed she couldn't hear it as he tried to compose himself.

"Hey," he heard her whisper in his ear, wrapping her other hand on his cheek, trying to pull his face towards her. "Are you okay?" She asked quietly. Jim quickly nodded, grateful his bedroom was still dark to hide his face from her scrutiny. He gulped air in, pushing the lump out of his throat.

"Fine." He managed, rubbing his palms over his knees. "Bad dream." He reassured her , now sporting a small smile, taking her face in his hands and planting a soft kiss on her forehead- pushing the dream from his mind.

"Shouldn't you be asleep?" He asked her hairline, not ready to meet her eyes. She felt her sigh loudly, tucking her head on his sweaty shoulder. "I was trying. You were kicking and mumbling- It woke me up." She peered up at him sideways, but he kept his eyes straight ahead.

He had started to rub her stomach absentmindedly, thankful there wasn't a hole like he remembered from the dream. He leaned down and kissed her forehead again, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

She waved his apology off, pulling him softly back to the bed, and settling on his chest. She ran her fingers over the worn material of his shirt, trying to gently calm him. "Do you want to talk about it?" She looked up from his chest, for the first time meeting his eyes.

He stared at her for a moment, deliberating. But he remembered his silent vow he had made in the bathroom- that he wouldn't burden her with his insignificant dream. He was supposed to be the strong one. For the three of them. So he shook his head against the pillow, forcing a smile. "I can't even remember it now." He lied- tangling his fingers in her hair and letting them dance softly around the curls. This was enough to settle his stomach and let exhaustion take over to pull him back to sleep.

Pam stayed up a little longer, feeling the bile of hurt take over. She knew he was lying- this was the third night this week he was talking in his sleep; asking for her, calling her name- but it always ended up with him jerking awake, resettling quickly trying not to wake her. Why couldn't he just be honest with her, she wondered. She wrapped her hand over her stomach, sniffling as she feared he was having second thoughts about her and the baby. Maybe he wished this hadn't happened, that she was now useless and dependent on him, and trapping him with the pregnancy.

She stifled a small sob, pulling away from his chest and unwrapping his hand from her hair to silently cry with her back to him, the same way he was turning his back on her.


	4. Glimmer

Pam slept poorly through most of the night, waking often to check on Jim. He mumbled nonsense every so often, but never awoke again. She shifted around to her nightstand, watching indignantly as the clock blinked 3:45AM at her. They had their first prenatal appointment at in less than 4 hours. In disgust, she turned the clock around and rolled over to Jim's slumbering figure.

She watched him, gently trailing her eyes from his face to his chest, breathing evenly in and out. She felt soothed then, watching him sleeping peacefully. The last few weeks she's noticed the change in him, noticed how his face turns ashen when he looks at her or his shoulders slump when he watches her try to walk. She just wants to feel normal again- like she's not some kind a freak with a limp or a hideous scar. She's ready to be Pam again. And she's ready for him to be Jim again- the Jim she fell in love with.

She rested her left hand on his chest, feeling it rise and fall with every breath he drew- and her eye caught the glint from her finger. The diamond that sat there stared back at her. Pam's lips pulled up into a sad smile, remembering when Jim had finally presented it to her. It was very unceremoniously- after a particularly difficult session with her physical therapist. She was had just finished her last set and was exhausted- shifting herself with some help from the beams to her crutches. She was covered in sweat and moody- the crutches digging into her armpits as she swung her legs towards the door.

Jim had been quite during the whole session- an odd response considering how vocal he'd been during all the others- and Pam felt her stomach drop slightly at the awkwardness that shrouded them in the car. They sat in silence as he thumbed at her steering wheel, not even putting the keys in the ignition yet. She felt the air turn still as she anticipated the worst; the "we need to talk" talk.

Finally he turned to her and smiled, "I think you forgot something inside." He said coolly. Irritation filled Pam's chest as she made a scowl- trying to remember what she'd forgotten and have to retrieve from the pits of hell. She was about to say something, but Jim raised a hand to stop her.

"Lucky for you, I found it." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a familiar black box. He cracked it open and Pam felt her lungs give out. It was the most beautiful ring she'd ever seen, glittering in the box- looking up at her. She felt her grin return- her irritation disappearing.

"I thought we needed to make it official." He grinned as he pulled the ring onto her finger. He reached over and kissed her- smiling like he pulled off the greatest prank ever.

The memory filled Pam's chest with warmth- seeing the spark of old Jim-however briefly- filled her with a little hope that he was still somewhere tucked inside his body, waiting to come back to her. She shifted closer, laying her head cautiously on his shoulder, straining her neck not to disturb him. She felt him stir underneath her, his arm swinging around her waist and pulling her protectively into him. She peered up at him to see he was still asleep- smiling, she softly buried her nose against him and fell into sleep. Tomorrow would be better, all she had to do was wait out the night.


	5. Drained

Jim could hear the alarm- he just chose to ignore it. He tried to rekindle the last bit of sleep he was able to achieve by shoving his head under his pillow and trying to blink out all distractions.

The alarm persisted. Grumpily he pulled his head from the pillow and slammed his hand down to silence the clock, reading the time he saw it was just after 7am. He swore under his breath, knowing they had to leave soon to make it to the doctor's office in time. He turned over to wake Pam, but was only met with empty bed. Swearing again, he pulled the covers off himself and padded down the hallway to the bathroom, knowing she had a head start on him.

He knocked on the closed door, his head spinning slightly from getting up too quickly and waited for her to respond. "Pam?" He asked, after she didn't respond. He pressed his ear to the door- hearing rustling in the room, but no response. Panic started to fill the irritation- what if she fell? He scolded himself, know quickly gripping the handle and opening the door.

He looked down in confusion as he saw Pam leaning over the toilet, heaving the contents of her stomach into the porcelain. "Pam?" He asked her again, awkwardly.

Pam's face shot over to him as she screamed "Get out! Get out!" and waving her arm away at him. Fear took over Jim's legs and they carried him back outside the door, slamming it shut behind him. He slumped against the door, eyes wide and alert as he slid down the frame of the door to a sitting position- waiting for her to emerge. There were not many times that Pam has yelled at him, each time being more playful than serious- but pregnant Pam scared the shit out of him. He was starting to become frightened of hormones.

He sat there silently, until he hear the toilet flushing and the sound of water running. Finally the door creaked open, and Pam shyly poked her nose out, seeing if he was still there.

"Hey." She uttered, her face embarrassed.

Jim looked up at her from behind his shoulder- craning his neck to see her through the small slice of opened door. "Hey," he returned, still on edge from before. "You…. Okay?" He asked only a little sarcastically.

Pam pulled the door wider- letting her face fall out and a smile play on her lips. She sighed and nodded. "Yeah, just a little morning sickness, I guess." She explained. Jim grinned, pulling himself up and stood with his palms out towards her, feigning fear.

"Can I tell you, that, was just truly terrifying." He laughed as he watched her roll her eyes. She pulled the door open and let him help her limp back towards the bedroom. He pulled an arm snugly around her waist and went on. "I mean, I thought my life was seriously in danger… it was frightening." He was still amused.

Pam couldn't help but laugh along- he just happened to catch her off guard when she was in there, and she absolutely didn't want him to see her losing her meal in his bathroom.

"Shut… it…" she pulled through the corner of her mouth at him. He continued to laugh, obviously enjoying himself now.

"I hope you didn't lose baby Halpert in the process.." He gently led her to the bed and helped her sit down. Pam took a swipe at him, but he was too fast, laughing and bounding off to the closet to pull out some clothes for the day.

"Screw you, I'm keeping my name." She stubbornly stated, folding her arms across her chest. "And so is the baby now, you jerk." She had to fully concentrate on keeping her face neutral.

Jim stuck his face out of the closet, giving him the allusion of a floating head- making Pam smirk. He came out with an armful her clothes, setting them beside her to choose from. "That's okay" , he shrugged, pulling his shirt up over his head and throwing it towards the clothes basket. "I like your name. Maybe we'll stick with that and I'll be Jim Beesly." He laughed again, feeling the tension he's carried slowly melt away from his shoulders. It felt good to laugh- to joke again with Pam, like the old days.

Pam kept her arms glued to her chest, shaking her head and rolling her eyes at him. "If I can ever walk again, I'm going to kick your ass Halpert." The words slipped out before she could stop them. She watched his shoulders slump, his back to her, and she instantly regretted what she said. When he turned around his face looked drained of color- his eyes focused on the floor.

He nodded slightly, as if to himself and she watched his eyes lose the vibrant exuberance that they had only moments ago.

"Jim," She started, dropping her arms to thread her fingers in the sheets tangled around her. He waved her off, trying to bring back the grin, but not being able to successfully pull it off.

"Let's get you in the shower," he said, his voice devoid of all feeling as he reached down and pulled her up off the bed. "We need to leave soon." He held her firmly as she hobbled back towards the direction of the bathroom, thinking to herself that this was going to be one of hard days- this time is was her fault.


	6. Car Ride

There was an awkward silence that clouded the atmosphere in the car. Pam stared out the window- watching the bare tree's as they passed by and wondered if they got cold in the winter. She smiled lamely at herself; thinking that naked tree's could be cold. She rested her chin in on hand and laid her other one across her stomach- a habit she'd gotten into lately without realizing it.

She was so caught up in her own thoughts that she didn't realize that Jim's hand had snaked over to rest on top of hers, covering her belly in a protective belt. She looked down at the hand, following it up to Jim's face. She saw the small smile that played his lips, screwing one side up in a lopsided grin.

"When do you suppose we'll be able to feel it move?" He asked- his face still concentrating fully on the road. His thumb trailing little circles across her hand.

Pam suddenly felt warmed- little fluttering butterflies dancing in her stomach. She shrugged, shifting in her seat to pull her knees toward him. "I don't know- I think he's still rather small- not yet growing into his long Hapert legs." she teased.

She watched Jim's grin turn into a smile. But then his brow knit together in confusion. "His? You think it's a boy?" He pulled his face towards hers- a new excitement playing his features now.

Pam didn't really realize she had said it- she never consciously debated the sex of the baby, she just had always known. It really wasn't a question of knowing or not. He just was. She wasn't sure how to explain this to him though, the dream- the small boy with the mussed hair. She flushed, suddenly embarrassed; fearing she'll sound crazy if she told him all of this.

"I don't know- mother's intuition?" She said meekly, smiling again to herself at the word 'mother.' She was going to be a mother.

Jim chuckled at her reddening face- "I know- it's surreal, isn't it? One day your putting co-workers personal belongings in Jell-O, and the next… you're an adult. With this little thing who's going to depend on you." He muttered wistfully.

Pam was taken aback from his words- she wasn't sure exactly what he meant- but she defiantly heard the fear in his voice, the excitement. She decided to try to lighten the mood.

"It's not like he'll be exactly little you know. You're practically a giant, so you know he's going to be at least three feet tall when he comes out. At least. " She joked. "I'm going to sell the pictures of 'world's tallest baby' to the Inquirer… we'll make millions…" she babbled, trying to lighten the mood from that morning.

He finally squeezed her hand with his, and chuckled- not a full laugh, but it's a start, she thought. After a moment, they pulled into the parking lot of the doctors office. He slid her little blue car into an open space and turned to her after he had turned off the ignition.

"I am not a giant," he said very seriously, "I can't help it that you never drank enough milk as a child." He grinned. "Something we're defiantly going to encourage baby Beesly to do so he doesn't turn out dwarfed like his mother."

Pam faked surprised, "Dwarfed!" She exclaimed, "not everyone under 8 foot are dwarfs! You're like an Amazon!" She laughed.

Jim had pulled his gangly legs out of the car, laughing now- feeling lighter than he had in weeks. He jogged to her side of the car and opened the door for her, settling her with her crutches and leading her towards the front of the building- still chuckling.

"Hey," he suddenly exclaimed, as they reached the door. "Aren't Amazon's women?" He asked as he opened the door for her, leading her with his hand on the small of her back as she swung her legs inside.

"Exactly." She alleged- giggling that he caught on.

He shook his head in defeat as he led the way towards the prenatal office, knowing he'd been had.


	7. Torture Chamber

A/N: Sorry this took so long to update- this part has been floating around with me for a bit, I just had to sit down and finally write it out. We'll see where it goes. Thanks for being patient!

S.

* * *

The doctors office was bright: well lit and inviting. She felt comfortable here, at ease- with Jim's hand on her back;, guiding her softly into the room. She scanned the walls covered with colored sketches of developing babies and cute little toddlers in flower plants or dressed up as lady bugs. She felt the smile play on her lips before her eyes settled on the object in the middle of the charming room.

A chair?

No, not just a normal chair- a large frightening gurney with a paper covering it and two long silver pedals sticking out of one end. It looked like a huge bug waiting to eat her alive.

"What is that?" She whispered, the alarm evident to Jim. "Am I supposed to sit in that?"

"My guess would be yes." Jim mused, slowly nudging Pam towards the contraption. Pam remained rooted to the ground.

"No. Absolutely not. Nah-huh." She slowly tried to back her way out of the now frightening shack of torture.

"Pam, it's fine…" Jim encouraged, taking her around the waist and pushing her back towards the table. "Ill be here the whole time." He abruptly stopped, rethinking his words. "Unless they start that voodoo down there." He helped her hop on the table, now waving his fingers down at her nether regions. "I don't want to be any part of that." He joked.

She didn't have a chance to laugh before the nurse came in, looking bustled- but smiling brightly. "Good morning Mr. and Mrs. Beesley." She read from the clipboard.

Jim's face made a took adopted an odd expression- Pam looked up at him and grinned at his expense.

"Err, no… it's actually Halpert…" he said, pushing a hand through his hair.

The nurse looked from Jim to Pam for a moment, recovering quickly. "Yes, of course, how supportive you are for being here for her!" She said brightly. Jim's face went from embarrassed to confused, hiding behind a tight smile.

"We'll let me just go get the doctor for you, Ms. Beesley," she emphasized the "Ms.", "just change into this cover and she'll be right with you." She handed her the paper covering and made her exit just as quickly as she came.

"Well Mr. Beesley, would you mind turning your back so I can change?" Pam joked, as Jim turned his back and rolled his eyes. She swore she heard him mutter an obscenity.

Paper clad and barefoot, she nervously swung her feet as they fell far from the floor, wondering exactly what to expect. Jim had preoccupied himself with an outdated magazine, shifting uncomfortably in his chair.

"Good magazine?" She inquired, trying to kill time. She watched him cross then uncross his legs, finding his size a poor match for the wooden chair he was contained in. He looked up at her question and flipped to look at the cover of the magazine.

"Yes, very much so… just reading about 'How to Please My Man." He quipped sourly, flipping the magazine back onto the small table sitting beside him.

Pam grinned, tilting her head to one side to regard him. "You look. . . bored." She observed. He rested his arms on his knees, shrugging back up at her. "Nah," he answered, "just ready to get his boat going. It's so nerve wracking waiting."

"Boat going?" She questioned his odd reference, about to laugh when the door opened,

The doctor was young. Really young. Too young to be a doctor. Must be another nurse. Or an intern. Or candy striper. Anyone but the doctor.

But it was the doctor.

All the humor left Pam's face as she watched Dr. Morales swagger into the room. She was pretty. No, too pretty, Pam thought- feeling herself straighten and wishing she had done her hair or put on makeup or _something. _

The doctor was tall, a soft mocha complexion and wavy brown hair that fell just past her shoulders. She was exotic looking, bright black eyes and was very obviously not pregnant herself- based on the tight clothing she wore under her white jacket. Pam instantly hated her.

"Good morning Ms. Beesly, sorry for the wait." The doctors voice had a soft twinge of an accent- a velvety sound that Pam couldn't help but just stare at her approach. She accepted the soft hand when the doctor gripped hers in a firm shake- noticing the manicured fingers compared to her chewed ones.

"Hi." Pam meekly responded, feeling suddenly self conscious in her hospital gown and ponytail. The doctor flashed a brilliant smile, trying to calm what she obviously misconstrued as nervousness at the procedure.

"There's no need to be nervous, Pam- we'll just check to make sure everything is normal and we'll be able to take a look at how the little one is developing."

"We'll get to see a picture?" Jim jumped in, the excitement evident in his voice. Pam with a bit of tenderness, her hatred momentarily leaving her to revel in the joy of Jim's face. He stood, flashing a smile and introducing himself hastily- realizing he'd had startled the doctor.

"Jim," he smiled, "Jim Hal-"

"Halpert," the doctor finished for him, taking his hand and smiling fully in his face. "Yes, the nurse mentioned you," she smiled, slowly taking in Jim's lanky figure. Pam sat there, blood beginning to boil in her chest- did she just check out Jim? She thought, and quickly dismissed, thinking herself crazy for such a thought.

But she watched the doctor as she held the handshake for just a moment too long for Pam's liking, Jim politely extracting himself to plop down into a chair closest to Pam. He leaned back over, his legs slightly twitching as he sat in excitement.

"So we get to see him?" He asked again, giving the doctor his best puppy dog look. She grinned down at him, obviously enjoying it. She half laughed- "Yes Mr. Halpert- you'll get to see the fetus." She flipped back her wavy hair to open the file in her hand, but her eyes never leaving Jim.

Pam looked from Jim to the doctor, waiting uncomfortably to be noticed again. The doctor suddenly turned back to Pam, realizing she was in the room as well and, recovering quickly added, "Are you ready for this Ms. Beesly?"

Pam wasn't so sure if she was_._


	8. Jim, Pam and the Girl Scout

Pam was surprised how quickly the once cute little babies dressed up like bugs could make her really gag now.

She was on her back, feet in the cold, unfriendly stirrups, with a 14 year old girl scout slumped between her legs, poking around like she was painting a freaking picture. _God this is humiliating_, she thought, thankful that Jim had averted his eyes during the more "intimate" times of the exam.

Her eyes stayed fixed on Jim, watching him as he looked at the poster of the growing fetus- mesmerized by the picture. She saw him as he lifted one hand to tentatively graze his fingers across one picture, lost in it.

She felt cooled then, the tension beginning to subside over the doctor's pseudo attentiveness to Jim- blaming her hormones on her sudden mood swings. She thought with a laugh that the doctor is far more interested in her, given her current location at the moment.

"Alright Pam, everything looks good down here, let's get the sonogram out and take a look at her." The doctor popped back up into view and snapped her gloves off, tossing them into a basket next to the table.

Jim jumped back into reality- walking back over to the chair next to Pam and plopping down- twitching again.

As the doctor brought the machine closer, she regarded Jim with a smile- tilting her head to one side and raking her eyes over him again. This time Pam was sure she saw it.

"You know, Jim," the doctor started, Pam furrowing her brow and thinking, 'since when is she calling him Jim now?'

"…it's so nice to see such support these days, it's very. . . Endearing." The doctor finished coyly, continuing her work but not taking her eyes away from Jim.

Jim smiled, Pam watching his face try to hide the slight look of confusion- did he really have no idea what she was doing? Pam screamed at him in her head. Pam's head was spinning- the man she was going to marry, the father of her child is getting hit on by her doctor at a prenatal checkup! Pam wanted to tear the woman's hair out. But she knew she wouldn't- she couldn't ever do anything like that. So she settled on remaining quiet- watching the whole event play out.

"Yeah, I guess it goes with the territory," Jim smiled with a shrug, making the doctor giggle- and Pam's throat burn. She wanted to leave. Just to pop up and walk out and never come back to this stupid room with the stupid pictures and the stupid, stupid doctor.

She felt something cold on her stomach, and turned her head to come face to face with a blurry black and white image on a screen.

She felt her breath hitch- everything else fade out as she focused intently on the little picture of baby peanut. Her peanut. Hers and Jim's baby. She looked to the doctor who was smiling at her, nodding. "That's it," she pointed to a little mass on the otherwise black screen. "See that? That's your baby Ms. Beesley."

Pam looked happily to the doctor, who she noticed was eyeing Jim again. She turned her head to him, but saw he paid no attention to the doctor- he was fully engrossed in the small mass that looked not much different than a green bean. She felt his hand snake into hers, squeezing tightly.

"That's him, huh?" He asked softly. The doctor laughed as she answered, "Yup, that's him."

Jim's face still was frozen to the screen- transfixed. "Wow." was all he could managed. The doctor, not obviously liking to be ignored, decided to wrap things up.

"We'll, I'll print these out for you, and we'll schedule another visit in a few weeks- make sure everything is going smoothly, and I suggest you start taking prenatal pills. . ." Everything faded out to Pam, the whole thing surreal to her- she was going to have a baby. She saw him, he was right inside her, waiting for her. She softly touched her belly, still slightly gooey where the doctor hadn't gotten all the gel off and tried to feel him inside.

"Thank you so much Dr.," Jim popped up, grasping her hand as she was leaving the room. This lit the doctors face up, wrapping her free hand around Jim's.

"You're very welcomed, Jim- you must be so excited to be an uncle." Her thumb trailing a small suggestive trail on the back of his hand.

Jim's mouth fell open, giving him the impression of a dead fish. "Uncle?" He stuttered, half-confused, half horrified as he started putting things together. The doctor interrupted him before he could continue, never releasing his hand.

"Yes, it's so sweet to be here for your sister, she's very lucky… I know this is must seem a weird time for this but…"

In embarrassment, Jim quickly retrieved his hand from the doctors, his face reddening- "No." He quickly said aloud. The doctor's face stood frozen in shock, making it appear she hadn't heard no from men often.

Jim retried once he found his words again, "I'm the father, not the brother. That's our baby…" He said too quickly, the blush burning his cheeks. "Pam's my fiancé." He concluded as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Jim watched as the doctor's face froze in a look of horror, quickly recovering into a friendly, forced smile. "Of course," she conceded, "I misunderstood, the last names and…" she trailed off, dropping her face down, gripping the door knob and quickly opening it. "Good afternoon, Mr. Halpert. Ms. Beesley." She nodded and quickly retreated.

Jim turned around slowly, a tightened smile on his face as he hoped he would find Pam humor at the situation.

When he met her cold. infuriated gaze, he knew instantly that no, in fact she had not.


	9. Naked Trees

A/N: I know it's been terribly long since I've updated this, but I am in need of some Jim and Pam time! Thank's for being patient!

-S.

* * *

Jim had thought that the most frightening thing he had ever experienced was his and Pam's accident.

He now thought differently.

The look on Pam's face was truly the single most terrifying encounter he's ever had.

He felt his grin wash off as she turned on him. "Think that was funny, huh?" She spat as soon as the doctor had left them alone in the empty room, putting her hands on her hips and squaring off.

"Pam, c'mon. It was nothing." He defended himself in exasperation. "Don't read anything into it." He shoved is hands into the pockets of his pants, still blushing.

"I can't go anywhere with you." She grumbled as she motioned him to turn around with her chin as she hastily redressed.

"It was a misunderstanding… or something. I don't know." He stuttered to the wall, waiting for her to finish. He rocked onto his heels feeling ridiculous for being in trouble that wasn't his fault. He felt his face flush with fast anger as he waited for her to answer.

He was met with a soft grunting noise.

He quickly spun towards her, his anger subsiding into remorse as he watched her silently sobbing as she struggled to pull her pants back on. She averted her eyes and covered her mouth in her hand, attempting to hide her frustration.

"Pam, hey…" he came towards her in two quick strides and tried to help her back into her clothes. She jerked away from him, her hand pushing him away.

"Just don't!" She snapped, his hands retracting like she slapped them. "Just stop trying to help all the time!" She wasn't far from tears again, she could tell.

"I'm just trying to-" he started.

"I know what you're doing, and I can't stand it! I'm not an invalid, Jim! I don't need you." She quickly shrugged back into her jeans, and in the process, toppled into the exam table, unable to support herself. Jim instantly retrieved her, settling her.

"I know that." He said quietly, handing her the crutches.

She took them without a word and shoved them under her armpits, humiliated and ashamed. She didn't know why she was so angry. She just wanted him to treat her normally- not like the freak she felt like.

He held the door open for her to exit the hospital, never saying a word. Making the torment worse. They drove home like that. Him looking over every so often, but never saying anything. She sat in silence, watching the naked trees go by and suddenly feeling sadden by and envious of them all at once.


	10. Silence

Jim had hoped that she had calmed down a bit as he pulled into his street, not sure what to do if she hadn't. He could still feel her anger radiating off her like heat; he wanted to tell her she was being ridiculous for acting so unreasonable- that he loved her and their baby.

He didn't dare try to say it. So he continued to drive.

"Where are we going?" She suddenly asked.

"Home." He countered, suddenly confused. Where else had she thought they'd go? He twisted his head towards her, his brow knit together.

"I want to go to _my home_." She suddenly was angry again. He automatically was brining her back to his place, not even asking if that was where she wanted to go.

Her words were a slap to Jim. He felt the bitter taste of her resentment as he suddenly flipped the car around into the opposite direction to take her back to her apartment. His anger suddenly flared again.

"You have stairs. I thought my ground level would be easier." He eased through clenched teeth.

"But it's not _my home."_ She answered, still seething.

Jim suddenly snapped, unable to hold himself back. "What is with you Pam? Is it the hormones? Because I can get that, but you're going to have to let me know what you want me to do here."

Pam's anger spoke for her. "I don't want you to do anything Jim. Nothing at all. I want you to take me home and that's it." She folded her arms and sat back in the seat.

"You know I'm going to have to help you up the stairs. You can't make them by yourself-" he started, but she quickly interrupted him, her face reddening with anger. "I can make them just fine! I don't need you lugging me around like some doll Jim. I can do it myself." She leaned as far away from him as possible, her face practically against the car window. "Just go and hang out with Doctor Karen." She mumbled through her bad mood.

Jim was appalled. "What does this have to do with Karen?" He demanded, feeling like a child being chastised.

"It has everything to do with her! She looked like her! Jim, look at you! Look at me! I'm a knocked-up gimpy freak who can't even walk!" She flailed, her emotions erupting like a volcano. "I can't go anywhere without you getting hit on!"

Jim rolled his eyes at the sheer ridiculousness of her outburst. He was about to say something, but she interrupted him again, with a gentler voice.

"I can't go anywhere without you." She finished glumly. Jim's stomach twisted; trying to figure out the right thing to say.

"Pam…" he started- not really sure where to start. "I'm sorry, this is entirely my fault."

"Jim, if it's anything I don't need is you blaming this on yourself. I can't take your remorse and sulkiness -it's just sickening."

"I'm the one who did this to you Pam! How do you want me to act?" He snapped, feeling himself spiral back to the accident, and his grip tightened on the wheel. "It was my fault, I did it!" His voice shuddered in the cab of the car. He could feel himself break into a sweat as he pulled into the parking lot to her apartment complex. Pam's anger was at a boiling point. She couldn't take him blaming himself anymore. It made everything so much harder for her to deal with. Every time she wanted to just toil in self pity for a while, but he was always there- with those sad eyes and somber expression. Making her feel worse for not trying hard enough. She hated herself. She was reeling at a way to make him shut up; anything to stop him from tormenting her with his own.

She spoke without thinking.

"You're not the one who did this to me."

Jim cocked his head to one side as he tried to dissect her meaning. "Of course I am- don't try to put this on yourself." He told her as he pulled into the closest parking spot to her apartment. He turned off the car and opened his door, untangling himself from her car. She heard his words it stabbed at her. She couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't take him.

"I don't mean the accident, Jim." She spat with acid, not really knowing why she had said it.

The look on Jim's face was beyond recognition. The meaning to her words were not lost on him. She bit her tongue so hard she thought she could taste blood. She didn't know why she said it- she just wanted to hurt him as much as his torment was hurting her.

"What does that mean?" His voice barely above a whisper as he leaned against her doorframe, his head lowered.

"I think you know what that means." She said, unwavering.

Jim could feel the bile again, from the pit of his stomach reaching up slowly and torturously up this throat. He squeezed his eyes tight against it, hoping it would all go away. He felt like he was kicked in the gut.

The instant Pam had said it, she regretted it. She didn't mean it, and of course it wasn't true. She just wanted him to stop making her feel nothing but shame and remorse by his self-masochistic disregard for himself since the accident. A little part of her wanted him to snap; to break down and stop the bravado. She needed someone there with her, on the same horizon- not someone trying to walk ahead of her, kicking stones out of the way in case she trips; she needed to walk side by side.

She was snapped out of her reverie when she heard the door slam. She jumped just an instant as she watched Jim's long gait quicken and he strove around to her side of the car. She remained silent as she watched him unlatch her door and open it- pulling her gently out by the arm so he could grab her crutches in the backseat.

"Jim," she finally broke as he settled her with her crutches, never saying a word. His face had drained of blood and his lips a thin line on his mouth. If he heard her, he didn't respond.

They walked in silence, him helping her up the stairs; the only sounds between them was her labored breathing and the clicking of her crutches on the concrete stairs. It was a long and terrible trip up- the silence between them stifling.

When they finally made it to her door, she couldn't take it. She was going to tell him everything; tell him that she needed him, and that she wanted him to need her too. She wanted all this awkwardness and torment to end. She wanted to tell him that she loved him. They were going to get back on track.

She scuffled into her apartment and twisted around- determined to come clean. When she faced him her breath was kicked out of her. His face was defeated. Worse than when they were in the car after the accident. Worse than when she first woke up in the hospital. Worse than when he watched her try and fail to walk.

"Pam, I can't do this." He struggled to say, his eyes not far from tears.

"Jim," she tried again- he shook his head, not letting her continue.

He was looking down at his feet for a moment before up at her. The guise he had tried to muster had faltered. Her heart sank as she waited for him to say it. His voice broke.

"It's over."


	11. Spiraling

A/N: Thanks for stickig with this story- I know it's pretty dark, but it just feels like it's the direction it needs to take at this time. If you've read my stories before, I don't ask for reviews- they're only a nice treat ;)

-S.

* * *

Was she still standing? She couldn't tell. She felt as though she was spiraling out of control where she stood. Everything turned blurry before she realized she was crying.

"What? " She managed her voice a stranger in her ears.

Jim hadn't lifted his head from the carpet, staring intently at a spot on the carpet.

"You really mean that?" It sounded more like an accusation than a question.

Jim for his part moved his head into an infinitesimal nod.

Pam had never felt the rage and horror as she did at that moment. The mix of anger and misery exploded out of her and she felt herself tremble as if her skin were on fire. She would have thought she was sobbing if it weren't for the buzzing in her ears and the look on Jim's face that told her otherwise. It wasn't shrouded in remorse like the normal sullen expression he had adapted or even a look of regret of the worst bomb he could have ever drop on her.

It was utter fear.

That's when she realized she was screaming. Not crying, or yelling even- but full on screaming at Jim; calling him every bad name in the book, and some she was sure she had made up. But she started and a threshold crumbled and she openly fell apart.

"How could you do this to me?" She sobbed as she took a long ragged breath. It was probably the only thing she had said that made sense. Jim was trying to say something but she couldn't hear him over the buzzing in her ears.

"I gave up everything for you, Jim!" She exclaimed, barely audible over the pounding. But that didn't stop her from her pent up anger at losing everything.

"I gave up Roy, I gave up getting married, I gave up everything!" She watched Jim's mouth move again, but nothing made it to her; she just continued screaming as he outstretched his arms in front of himself- palms out like he was approaching a vicious animal.

"You come along and you had to change everything!"

More empty noise from Jim.

"And now you're just done with me? Just like that?" She felt hot; and dizzy from the throbbing in her skull.

She was leaning against her crutches and realized with sudden velocity how much she hated them. She gripped them as if they were a prop to explain to him with.

"I hate these! I hate being dependant on them for everything!" She babbled. She was screaming "I hate being dependent on you for everything!" when she realized she was took a hold of one of the crutches and hurled it in the general vicinity of Jim's figure. In doing so, she knocked herself off balance, and when she put all her weight onto her injured leg and she buckled.

Her head was spinning from the buzzing in her ears and she knew she was falling. She welcomed it.

Before she could hit the floor she felt Jim grab her, but she was falling too quickly- and she toppled on top of him, knocking the wind out of her.

Everything was blurry for a second, but slowly Jim's features came into focus. His face was etched with concern.

"Pam?" He asked gently, apparently having to repeat himself.

"Why Jim?" She asked, sounding pathetic even to her.

"Pam, I'm not going anywhere."

She saw the look on his face: the concern, the anguish, muddled with fear from her outburst.

"What?" Was the only thing she could muster- "But you said..." she started.

"That's not what I meant, Pam. I love you." He cupped her cheek in his hand, smoothing away the wetness there. "I swear to god that I'm not leaving." He said with conviction.

She listened and let out a ragged sigh; but was overwhelmed with a white hot flame in her abdomen; her face contorted in the agonizing pain. Jim's face went white. "What is it?" He asked, his voice urgent.

She couldn't even answer the pain was so overwhelming.

He shifted into a seating position, on the cusp of panic. "Pam? What is it?" His voice on the verge of hysteria.

Pam reached down to her theigh, grabbing it in an attempt to stifle the pain. She felt wetness there. When she lifted it she saw the look on Jim's face before she saw her hand for herself. It was covered in blood.

"Jesus, Pam" Jim's voice was barely a whisper.

Pam had thought for a split second that the blood was from her leg. The pain and blood from her healed tissue reopening. The look of pure panic on Jim's face made her heart drop, as he took a shaky hand to touch her stomach lightly and she knew it had nothing to do with her leg.


	12. Choices

As soon as Jim saw the blood he instantly knew. He knew, and he wasn't going to let it happen.

"Jim," he heard Pam's panic voice- full of pain and fear and he had to act.

Without a word he wrapped her arm around his neck and hoisted her into his arms, trying to block out the fear in Pam's voice.

"Jim, what's happening?" She gasped as he swiftly carried her to the car, only letting her down to open the door and depositing her into the front seat.

"Jim my crutches-" she started, trying to get him to say anything, to tell her what was happening to her.

Jim jogged to the other side of the car- trying to keep the fear out of his face.

He jumped in to reverse the car to pull out into traffic quickly, feeling the blood draining into his stomach.

"Jim, please- talk to me! Where are we going?" She grabbed at his shirt- begging him to face her.

"To the hospital." Was his only reply. His knuckles gripped onto the wheel like a life support. Pam gripped her stomach as another flash of pain washed over her. "Oh god, Jim, Oh…" She agonized between clenched teeth.

Jim gripped her hand away from her stomach and squeezed. "It's going to be okay Pam- just squeeze my hand every time it hurts, okay?" He tried to smile, but his face looked almost grey.

She gripped his hand tightly and squeezed, praying they'd get there soon as she the pain return.

* * *

Jim was propped in an uncomfortable hospital chair in a stark waiting room surrounded with strangers living through their own ordeals.

He didn't care about any of them.

It was been nearly an hour since he had rushed Pam through the doors of the Emergancy Room entrance, yelling at the top of his lungs for help.

The nurse at the front table had rushed over, calling out for a wheel chair as she inspected a writhing Pam.

"What happened?" She asked to a panicked Jim.

"She's bleeding- she's pregnant and…" he tried to explain.

"How far along is she?" She cut him off.

"Almost 3 months, how bad is it?" He asked over the chaos that was surrounding them, two other nurses came over to take Pam out of Jim's arms into a wheelchair. His mind suddenly jumped back to the accident when the two paramedics had to pry her out of his arms and he was suddenly hyperventilating.

The look on the nurses face made his heart stop. Of course it was bad.

And now he was forced to sit on the sidelines yet again- waiting to hear from anybody what was going on. He kept reliving the accident in the hospital room. The torturous wait to find out if she was going to make it or not- his nerves on their last thread of insanity. He had to know. He couldn't wait anymore.

Lifting himself out of his chair he approached a nurse walking by, trying to get her attention. "Excuse me," he started, but she shuffled by without even noticing him.

Jim felt himself start to unglue.

"Excuse me, can you tell me about Pamela Beesly- " he tried again to another nurse who walked by without a word.

And he lost it.

"Who can tell me about Pamela Beesly, right now! ANYBODY?" He roared in the room, feeling the hot stare of every other person in the room on him, but he didn't care. He needed to talk to somebody now.

"Mr. Halpert?" Said a voice behind him.

He spun around the face the same Doctor from this morning- looking cool and professional, not at all like he remembered. And looking nothing like Karen, he noted to himself.

"What's going on? Is Pam okay?" He wanted to shake the answer out of her.

"Mr. Halpert, have a seat." she offered as he obediently sat onto the uncomfortable chair, anything to hear what was happening to Pam.

The doctor gripped his forearm for a moment, "Ms. Beesly has what we refer to as a weak cervix. This can cause complications during pregnancy that can lead to a premature labor." She started.

Jim's face burned as he ingested her words. "Premature labor? She's only a few months along… she can't be in labor." Jim voice was raising.

"In these cases, it can lead to a miscarriage- but we have her in surgery right now-"

Jim didn't hear the rest of the sentence, he was stuck on the word miscarriage. It was only a few months that he left this horrid place learning he was going to be a father. Something he didn't know he wanted so much until he was faced with losing it. He couldn't lose it. He couldn't lose his baby. He cupped his face in his hands, rubbing his eyes.

"Is there anything you can do?" He asked into his muffled hands, cutting off whatever she was saying.

"We have her in surgery to repair her cervix in an attempt to stop the labor… but, Mr. Halpert- did you and Pam ever talked about her wishes in this type of situation?" She asked in a solemn tone.

"What do you mean, this type of situation?" He dropped his hands to look at her.

The doctor took a long breath. "Pam is losing blood at an alarming rate- if they are unable to repair the cervix there is a chance that aborting the fetus is the best shot for her to make it."

Jim's brain froze. The images of baseball games and catch and preschool as flashed in front of his eyes. They were all disappearing. He shook his head against them. He didn't know what to say. He wasn't going to make this decision.

"Mr. Halpert- you're the next of kin on her file. You have to make this decision. If she continues bleeding if we don't abort, there's a chance they both could die."


	13. hail mary

_Are you there, God? It's me, Jim._

_I know I've come to you a lot lately- asked more than I deserve. I just need one more favor, and I'd do anything if you could answer my prayers._

* * *

"Mr. Halpert, did you hear me?" The distant voice asked, bringing Jim back to reality. He was still stuffed into the hard uncomfortable chair, choosing between losing his unborn child, or losing Pam. Or losing them both.

"How am I supposed to choose? Maybe I should call her mom…" he frantically raced for some way out of this decision.

The doctor interjected, raising from her chair to loom over him. "You're the one she trusts the most to make the correct decision- think about what she would want." She placed a soft hand on his shoulder.

"There isn't a right answer." He scrubbed his face in his hands, hiding his face from the world.

"Sometimes there are no right answers, just… decisions." The doctor shrugged.

Jim nodded into his hands, for the first time thinking about what Pam would want. He raked his hands through his hair once and caught the doctor's eye.

"Pam would want to fight." He concluded.

"Jim-" she started to interject, Jim shook his head against her advice. He was going to finally to let Pam stand on her own two feet. This is what she'd ask for. A chance to save their baby. He'd give her that chance.

"You don't know Pam," he muttered- talking more to himself than to her, "she's a fighter. After everything she'd been through- she would want to fight."

"Okay." She loomed for a moment, letting him take a chance to change his mind. When she knew his decision was final, she conceded. "I'll go in and check on her." She nodded once and walked back in the same direction she came from.

Jim watched her leave- and for a split second he wanted to yell after her that he did changed his mind.

But Pam would never have let him do that. She'd tell him to trust her and to not make decisions for her. He thought of her soft smile and her curly hair and how much he hoped their baby would have her hair. Her perfect hair.

Guilt and pain washed up on him again- pulling him deep into the dark. But he wasn't going to let it overtake him this time. He knew Pam- he knew that she probably shouldn't have made it out of the car accident alive- but she did. And she'll make it through this.

He dropped his face into his hands again, letting his mind wander back to baby pea and his own fight that lay ahead.

_I hope I'll get to meet you. _

He felt the sting of tears as he let himself think of the worst and tried to choke them back. Clasping his fingers together, he tried one last ditch effort. His Hail Mary. He knew it was out of his hands now. It was up to Pam.

_Are you there, God? It's me, Jim. _


	14. Darkness and Light

I'm terrible at updating. I have to be in a very specific mood when writing for this story... and it usually includes a few glasses of wine. To which I often go back to many chapters of my stories and pick out grammer or editing mistakes... Let's find out what happens to Pam, shall we?

The place she was in was familiar- but not in a hospitable way. It was strangely frightening; a scary omen looming in the presence of mist and darkness.

She knew where she was. Her awareness this time around was terrifying.

Her felt her heart accelerate as she vaguely made her way through the recognizable mist- wanting desperately to track down the figure she knew would be waiting for her.

"Jim!" She called out- knowing he wouldn't respond. He wasn't in this dream this time. For a moment her heart pulsed a cool whoosh of relief- Jim was safe. She wrapped her hands around herself against the tingling pricks of goose bumps as they trailed up her bare arms.

Her heart began to sound loudly in her ears, accelerating in a deep, booming sound; pounding in her ears as she realized something new.

Something else was missing.

Guided by the erratic pulsing of noise in her head, she outstretched her arms in a manic attempt to find him- grip his small figure and to ensure he still existed. "Where are you?" She screamed, pleading against the darkness that enveloped him, and with him, her entire existence. _He had to be somewhere_, she concluded, and she'd find him.

As time seeped by she became more and more anxious- there was nothing here. He wasn't here. Her outstretched arms only grasped at emptiness.

"Pam," she heard her name call out over the mist, whipping her head towards the sound.

She saw Jim standing there, arms outstretched and welcoming- bathed in warm light. She looked at his face- bewildered. _What was he doing here? He's not supposed to be here_… she turned away, going back to her search. _It's a trick_, she thought- keeping her from finding her little one.

"Pam," he said again- this time more firmly. She turned towards him, and for a fleeting moment she wanted to run to him. But not yet, not until they were together.

"Wait," she told him, reaching out towards the mist, "just a little longer…"

She felt Jim's strong arms wrap around her in a backwards bear hug, pulling her off her feet and towards the light. She felt the presence in the mist fall further from her reach. "No!" She screamed, starting to flail helplessly against the arms. "Not yet!" She begged, scratching and pulling against the steel vice that was keeping hold of her. She couldn't understand why he was dragging her away from the mist- she wanted desperately to return to. She felt the warmth of the light as he pulled her quietly towards it.

"What are you doing?" She screamed, still writhing against his embrace. Then she heard the cool breeze of his breath on her neck.

"Trust me, Pam." He cooed, soothingly. She gradually stopped struggling, not yet ready to stop fighting to find the missing piece of her heart, but finding Jim's plea strangely disarming her and making her believe him, trusting him implicitly.

"But… he's still out there," she made one last attempt as she let him carry her back into the blinding light. He swooped her up into his arms to cradle her against his chest as he turn away from the mist and into the brightness.

"Trust me," he repeated, his voice almost lost in the sudden return pulse of her heart in her ears- she hadn't even noticed it had stopped pounding. She gave one last fleeting look towards the mist and laid her head against his warm shoulder.

"But…" she started, not sure if he could hear her about the pounding. He had to yell over the noise, his voice ringing in amusement.

"He's in the light now, and it's time you joined us…" She felt herself lightened and become fully at peace in the warm, soothing light.


End file.
